Thursday, January 28, 2016

The Only Constant in the Verse… is Change

~or “I Been Busy…"

You may have picked up a tad from somewhere that I may have been a wee bit busy lately… You’d be right.

Now the problem gentle reader is that I have not been busy in EVE… nope, it’s RL that’s takin’ up all my time. Hence I have not posted lately because of this and the ‘reasons’ I have been busy… well, they have naught to do with EVE and are not exactly what one would call… fun. Or even really much fun to talk about. As serious as Spaceships are… there are things that are more serious.

As I have been going through these last weeks, and months I have kept thinking about Rixx Javix’s take on blogging about EVE which is really just blogging about Rixx the same way my blog is really just all about Tur and his adventures in EVE… but I have, upon occasion as Rixx and we (bloggers) all tend to do, talked not just about our toons and EVE… but about our real life selves. And Rixx, AKA Brian Ward, has from time to time shared quite a lot about himself and his life with us all.

I have, I will admit, occasionally felt he was doing a wee bit too much of that as, well, people don’t read EVE blogs for stories of divorce and court and RL money troubles. But we are all real people here, those of us who take up pen and paper (ok, metaphorically…) and try to put our thoughts down in words… and for some strange reason think anyone would want to share any of our thoughts and feelings.

And yet… dear reader, you do. So we write and think and write some more.

So. Here it is… I am getting divorced. Again.

Yeah… sucks. But then again it has been a long time coming as these things almost always are. We have been through the gauntlet of breaking up and making up and therapy and and getting along and… well really not getting along. Anyone who has been through it knows, anyone who hasn’t… you don’t want to.

But here we are at the end of all that now in what I call, the acceptance and paperwork phase. We are no longer fighting or angry or any of that because we have both let it go. We are still parents and will be for life, and we were once really good friends… and we both want that back because, kids. Kids who love us both and whom we love more than anything. We are in agreement on almost everything, and the financial split will be fairly easy as we already did part of that when I moved into the spare room more than a year ago.

She gets the house, I get my lands on the bay, I get the sailboat she bought me for my 50th… the Jeeps are not jointly owned and all the rest is little stuff.

We are not getting lawyers, we are filing jointly, we are… in a word, copacetic. This has helped the kids (teens now) who have, of course, seen it coming. They both are relieved that we are getting along and all in all, as so many say, it’s for the best. Which of course it isn’t… the “best” being a mother and father who are together into grandparenthood for the rest of their lives… so this is, IMHO, just the least worst of the possible bad outcomes. But I’ll take the least worst… not much choice at this point.

I do want to say, that I really feel for Rixx and the miles of sewage he has crawled face first though with his divorce, but I am glad mine is not adversarial. It is a blessing and a relief to not face that. I do wish he didn’t have to.

So now you know where I have been. My life has taken a turn I was hoping it wouldn’t but is, at least, one I can roll with. I am moving out soon and will not be leaving EVE as I see a bright future… or at least a light at the end of the tunnel there up ahead…

Hope it’s not another godsdamned train.  =]


Fly reckless and see you in the Sky =/|)=

15 comments:

  1. Longer term, most people’s real life gets entwined in their EVE gaming experience. From obvious impacts such as financial health to how much free time and when it is available to play, through to your level of distraction and state of mind. Sugar Kyle was the first EVE blogger I noticed who made a point of reflecting on that relationship in a more personal way. Rixx Javix (with his frankly horrifying experiences) is another. Bloggers like them, and yourself here, remind us of the very real humans behind the space pixels. I felt a kick in the gut just contemplating your experiences. A good divorce – as great a thing as that may be, is still the death of a marriage. For as worthless as it seems, I wish you all the best in dealing with the loss and transition to your new life, and I hope EVE is able to give you a distraction and a bit of fun.

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    1. Thanx Hermy... (I've always wanted to call you that you know...)

      Yeah, it sux... but as I said, it's the least worst of the host of possible bad outcomes so... it is what it is.

      Thank you, my friend.

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  2. Thanks for the update Tur, I was beginning to worry a bit that your blog was going dark. Sorry for the difficulties you are experiencing in RL. Those of us who fly the internet space ships are still around reading and playing EVE. I hope to see you in EVE and will shout out if I see you, might be with guns blazing but it will be a hello never the less.
    SLy

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    1. Sly, Yeah... that was the impetus for the post. I was sitting here that evening and realized my xmass post was still up... and we have reached a point where we have really accepted it, so... it felt like time to say something.

      I did waffle over saying anything... I mean, what has this got to do with EVE? But... the people I have talked, argued and cured all of EVE's problems with here and on their blogs and the voices in the void of my many friends in Europe, and across America... well, that's what it has to do with EVE.

      And I too one day hope to meet you my friend... and see who warps off (or wakes in a new clone!), and who loots the field!! And then, the gods willing, lift a glass together in some RL bar, and toast those Good Fights! =]

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  3. I always like reading about the RL of my spaceship mates, even when i haven't even crossed shots with them in space. Somehow, I guess, I feel connected to all my fellow spacebros. It's good that you could keep things civil. I've read Rixx's history and that is just a shame.
    Best Regards,
    Nou Mene, in EVE

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    1. Nou Mene,
      Thank you bro... I know this community (and I WILL NOT argue that BS with anyone... we ARE a community) and I know they are good people with the usual smattering of Aholes who, well if nothing else give us stuff to write about.

      Thanx

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  4. Dude! Commiserations. Sorry to hear about the trauma. Hope it goes as well as anything like that could. When you get back to the black, let us know!

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    1. As always, so good to hear from you Noob. I am here, and I will be waiting for you... on the other side of the sky!!!

      They once said... "Go west young man!" I say... "Jump that hole bro!"

      Thanx Noob.

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    1. Thanx man... I am.

      I have friend all over the world due to EVE and this blog... I am thankful for every one. They say a man's worth is measured by those who call him friend... if this is true, my life is priceless.

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  6. Thanks for sharing, for what even you describe as the best of the worst outcomes, it is still tragic. Happy to hear that you are getting back on your feet.

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    1. Yes... my first divorce was after 20 years and no kids (actually the prime reason for the divorce... I wanted kids, she didn't). But emotional yet ended very copacetic... we still talk from time to time.

      This one is after 14 years and while more involved... own a home, land and of course the real kicker, we have kids together, we are working to make it as copacetic as possible for them and, interestingly enough, as we have worked our way into the "acceptance" part of it all, we are rediscovering the original friendship we had (not the romantic couple part, the platonic friends part).

      So we find ourselves being supportive of each other as we work forward, yet both are committed to breaking the cycle we had gotten into these last 7ish years.

      I have found a place and will be moving soon(TM)... but need to pull together furniture etc. etc. (yuch, hate the moving part) and I will be less than 15 mins away so I will still see Boo (dottir) daily and we are keeping the visitations with my son here at my wife's house so the kids stay together. We are working together for as little impactful change on them as possible within the framework of the massive change this actually is.

      Tragic yes... it really is, I really really wanted the 'everyone gets together at the grandparent's house for the holidays' part... that and so many many things we will now miss...

      Thanx Jason

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    2. Well damn Tur.

      Bittersweet news indeed. Great that it's amicable (as my separation has been), but a bugger that it happened at all. We go in to relationships with the best of intent. And yet, sometimes it just doesn't work out.

      Still feeling a little adrift even now if I'm being honest about it. And it's been going on two years for me.

      I hope things are going well (Late to the party. Again. D'oh), and that sunshine and hugs from your kids are ever present.

      Take care mate,

      H

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    3. Helena,
      Thank you. I feel ya man... and I did go into this with the best on mind, and we do have like 8 years that were from amazingly good to very good... the birth of my kids, Christmases with the little ones, all the b-day parties from 1 up... many good friends and good times were shared here... so many wonderful memories, too many to regret...

      And yes... my kids are my strength and my heart.

      Than you again my friend,
      Tur

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  7. I'm a long time anon reader of yours, thought I'd come out of the wood work to say thanks for the blog and good luck with, whatever the circumstances, must be a pretty crap experience.

    It's easy to loose sight of sometimes but as I've been reminded several times every ending is just a new beginning really.

    Dom

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