Friday, January 12, 2018

SNAFU (Situation Normal, All F'ed Up)

Well... I'm just f*cked.
(Warning: This post is personal, not about EVE, but about the RL me... you may wanna move on, just sayin'.)

Anyone who has followed me knows the last year, heck the last 2 years have been "fraught" with RL issues that have conspired to keep me logged out of EVE, that being mainly Divorce. To anyone who hasn't been there, you DO NOT wanna know, and to those who have... well... you know, 'nough said right?

Basically divorce eats your life. Money, effort, worry, sleep (IE fatal lack of), hopes, dreams, trust... but mostly it consumes your time, and when you do have free time, you just don't care. About anything... at all. Yes I "should" concentrate on fun and friends and "moving on" and such, but I'm one 'a them weird types, the guy who is the first to be a friend-in-need, and the last to ask for help. When my life goes in the crapper, I usually find a hole, climb in, and pull it in after me for the duration.

It is what it is.

So... my 2B'X' and I have worked out most of the ugly details, we have lived apart more than a year, all that's really left is the paperwork and the spending the rest of our lives trying to be "parents-on-good-terms" for our dottir.

A little backstory is required here...

I am a sailor. I was lucky, I learned to sail and in general "mess about on boats" since afore I could walk. My family is from Northumberland County in Va. A place called Ball's Neck, on the western shore of the Chesapeake Bay. My family home sits at the mouth of the confluence of Mill Creek, Guarding and Gascony Coves facing east across a half-moon bay called Ingram's Bay. My family home is named East Gascony, a old southern bay farm house built by my grandfather for his wife over 100 years ago. we had a private beach, a dock and, well... over the years a LOT of boats.

So as a child I learned to walk and swim hand in hand, and to hunt and fish and crab and oyster and garden. I also learned to handle all those boats, boats of all types. From canoes to powerboats ranging from flat bottomed skiffs with 1950's 2 horse outboards up to the biggest dad ever had, a 43' Hatteras twin diesel. But for me the real joy... was learning how to sail. Sunfish, sailfish, sailing dinghy's on up to a 35' cutter rigged sloop.

And as we were pretty fair at breaking stuff, I learned how to fix it all too. I am competent with brightwork, wood and metal, fiberglass and small to large outboards and inboard engines and diesels.

Back to our irregularly scheduled whatverthisis...

So, this last go-round with divorce, the one where we finally took the steps to actually call it quits, I found myself in that weird place... the one where you find yourself at 55 (then) and gonna be "single" again, but with 2 teenage kids and the smoking leftovers of a 16 year marriage.

I sat there, on that morning, the morning where I knew like I know my own name "knew" that this was actually it... that it was over and there I am... so what now?

I decided I wanted to go sailing. Going Sailing has been "that" dream all my life. You know, the one you will never "actually" do. The Dream of a Dream. The "Sell it all, buy a sailboat and head south until all you need is a pair of flops, sunblock 100 and shorts... and the shorts are optional dream." The Big Dream.

I made a decision that morning in Oct of 2016, that I would, somehow, as soon as possible, do just that. I set a goal for myself to find a way to acquire a sailboat large enough to live on full time and a way to support just exactly that. I started looking at the boat market, reading sailing books and blogs and watching sailing vlogs such as Sailing S/V Delos, followtheboat, Wicked Salty and MJ Sailing just to name a few.

My kids are in their teens, both just starting to stretch their own wings and when I told them of my dream they both said "Go for it dad!" Yes the idea of me being gone for weeks and months isn't a happy making one, but the idea of joining me on the boat in the summers most definitely is one they like and they want me to follow my dream and show them it can be done. They want me to be happy... gods bless em.

So, that's where my time and effort has been going these last 2 years. Last summer I found a skipper who is "new crew friendly" (many are, but you gotta find out the where and the who to ask). He takes on new people as crew, whether experienced or totally green, for races and regattas down in Hampton Va. He has a Beneteau First 305, a 9.3m (30.5') sloop and is very active in the Southern Chesapeake Bay racing season.

(For them as interested, I have put up a few video's on Youtube last year... here is one, OPCYC Tri Service Race full.)

That and one other small thing has taken up my time... I met someone (and before you say ANYTHING, please keep in mind my 2B'X' and I have been separated well over a year ok?), yea... I met someone... and she wants to go sailing too.  =]

Go figure huh?

So, will I ever come back to EVE? Heck, I just don't know. We ALL know what a time sink it is and right now, even in the dead of winter, I just don't have the time. Plus... well, like so many, Kirith Kodachi and Yadot and the whole list of those who have gone dark this last year (9 from just my meager reading list)... it just isn't the same EVE it was when I first undocked eight years ago.

No, I've not unsubbed yet... but there needs to be a reason for me to get active again... and time. I just need the time.

Fly however you like... and maybe, maybe, you'll see me in the sky. =/|)=


  1. Been there with the divorce thing, I takes a while to see the sunshine in the distance, but it is there.
    I am still logging on but haven't got anything to say that is positive. Because of that I tend not to say anything.

    Safe travels and enjoy life.

    1. Hey Yad... That's more to what I was speaking, not the actually logging on, but the WHY we log on, or specifically, the lack of the WHY. I have from time to time logged on, checked the skill-Q, looked around and went... Huh. Then logged off.

      TBH I have no idea what is going on at CCP anymore. I used to almost be a fanboi... I felt that they really did care more about a good game that just the $$$$... Don't get me wrong, you don't starve the cow for the sake of art... but EVE, I thought, was always understood to be a niche market game and as such was never gonna rival WOW or it's Themepark ilk...

      EVE was supposed to be Ultima Online in Space. Dark, unforgiving, harsh and hard... built for those few of us who love and WANT dark, unforgiving, harsh and hard. We who understood "Harden the Fuck Up!" and lived by it... we who know and crave the VALUE in the "Loss is REAL" paradigm... now, I just don't know WTF they are doing anymore.

  2. It doesn't sound like it is all F'd up. You are addressing the past, and moving forward with goals and life. Looking forward to seeing some smiling photos of you, your new partner, and your cruising yacht!

    1. The title was more to my EVE Life and activity, not my Real Life... RL is going OK and EVE has suffered due to that and, as I said to Yad above, I just don't know what CCP is doing anymore.

      As a New Eden scribe, I mark Incarna as the turning point. Up until then CCP lived by the HTFU creed... but when the riots went down, and Mittens rallied the Goons, CCP caved. We scared them, they choked and stopped owning their own game. And we, the playerbase, are to blame for this. We broke faith with CCP, acted like spoiled brats and we are now reaping the rewards... FUBAR.

      As for my RL... we have a 2 year plan and we are working it. Wish us luck!

  3. FYI. Kirith Kodachi is alive and well, just not quite as routine. Wouldn’t exactly classify him as ‘gone dark’. He can usually be found in the southern Gallente war zone Sunday nights (ustz) around 0:00 to 2:00. You should come. Bring some friends and ships and we can have a thing. ;)

    1. Oh I know Kirith is still out there... but so many of us who used to post weekly or at least a few times a month are going longer and longer 'tween posts... this in itself is a form of "going" darkish.. and it says something about the "State of EVE Online"... doesn't it?

      If you roll down my "Religiously" list, Jacob hasn't posted in 7 months, Neville in 9, Gamerchick in 11 and 4 have not posted anything in over a year... My "Spiritual" list, nothing from Drakarn, 9 months, Helena Khan, a year and 3 others over 2 years...

      That's 11, used to be regularly posting EVE Bloggers in my short fav's list that have not posted in 7 months or more... if that ain't going dark I don't know what is.

      As for coming out for some fun... I just might take you up on that... look for me in (yuch) local... (ewww) =]

  4. Fair winds and following seas in whatever you do Tur. It is/has/and will be a privilege to read all that you post on any topic.


    1. OMG Sly... Thank you from the bottom of my skeevy, licentious, wormholer heart! YOU are why I still blog at all my friend.


  5. Hey, brother. Sorry to hear about the divorce. But, um, boat? New person? Dude! That sounds awesome! All the best, seriously. I got your back, man (metaphysically speaking).


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